feast or famine

i have come to realize that my ability to be a good parent ebbs and flows like that of a high tide. one minute you think everything is just fine and dandy, when all of a sudden everything comes crashing down threatening the safety of everyone nearby.

okay, maybe that's a littttttle dramatic. but honestly, that is how i feel daily. there are moments in the day when i feel invincible. there's nothing the children can throw at me that i, supermom, can't handle. then the tides come crashing down and the slightest alteration in the pitch of their voice or the length of time and syllables it takes them to say my name sends me into a tailspin. why is it that there are these wonderful calming moments of peace, while there are equally as many moments of complete and utter chaos? how are we, as parents, supposed to field the curve balls that have more to do with our state of mind than the children's' behaviors? honestly, it is like there's a mad scientist testing newton's third law of motion (for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction) and she's using my house as her laboratory. everyone talks about the different techniques and approaches for disciplining young children. honestly, i think i would be much better off learning how to deal with MY reactions to their behaviors.

i've been thinking about this a lot lately. maybe it is due to the fact that my summer of having all four children home with me all day everyday has taken its toll on my patience? maybe it is the fact that i have four children, i stay at home with them, and i run my own business? who knows the cause, all i know is i want to figure this out so i can have a more consistent emotional state of being.

thanks for listening. i needed to vent. let me know if you have any wonderful insight on this subject. otherwise, be on the lookout for a tsunami in dallas. ;-)